Heal You
by Salhiaa
Summary: He has been gone for five years now. And so much changed in five years. As soon as you become that lonely person at the back of the class, monsters catch you. But those monsters looks like you and I. They come to you if you're different, if you don't match that same crowd. Especially if you're fat, weak, or, you know - gay.
1. Prologue

«We're gonna be the Nordics !!!»

Four faces turned to an adorable little boy with rosy cheeks, clear blue eyes and spiky golden hair full of gel.

The boy facing him answered as he put a fringe of sandy hair back behind his hear as he talked. A curl was curiously floating at the back of his head with a strange light and his eyes were so deeply blue that they seemed to be purple - those two particularities made him perfectly unique, but no one was able to tell where they came from.

«Another great idea ?

\- But, but, Lu', we're all from one of the five Nordic countries ! That's fun, no ? Ber will be Sweden, Tino, Finland, I'll be Denmark because of dad, and Emil and ya... Well, ya can choose ! Since mom is Norwegian and your dad, Icelandic... ya can take the country ya want and Emil will have the other ! Ya're the older one, so ya decide !

\- Don't include my lillebror in your weird ideas, Mikkel.

\- Hey ! He's mine too !»

At these words, Mikkel puffed his cheeks, offended. Then, his expression changed radically, giving Lukas a bad feeling for some reason.

«Tino ! Ya agree with me, don'tcha ?

\- Uh, me ?

\- Yes, you !

\- Well... I guess it could be fun ?Or at least better than most of nicknames you tried to give us.»

The named Tino was another blond, slightly shorter than the other two. He had a pretty face, though a little round, in the center of which sparkled two color-changing eyes some could get lost in, turning to an amazing blue-violet shade to a soft hazel one.

As Mikkel thought, Lukas lost to the boy's sweet smile.

«I'll take Norway, then.

\- Well, well, ya changed your mind pretty quickly, huh ?»

This comment gave Mikkel one of his brother's murderous gazes he started to get used to.

Despite that, a much younger boy was clinging to Lukas' arm, red eyes watching the whole discussion and hair as white as the snow dotting the ground : according to the other four, he was the cutest thing on earth. With a clumsy smile and achildish pronunciation, he added to his big brother's words :

«So ay be Iselanyd !

\- Ya like the idea, little Icey ?

\- Jà ! That's dad's country ! And if storebror and Tino agree, then I agree too !

\- Aww, ya're so cute... Oh, and 'bout ya, Ber ?

\- If they're all 'kay with that, so 'm I.»

The fifth and last boy was the tallest and the second oldest. His greenish eyes, partially hid behind glasses, showed a scary expression quite far from his real self : inside, it was a highly sensitive boy. He only had trouble to express how he felt, but it seemed to run in the family since Lukas had the same problem. His hair were blond like the others', although slightly darker.

As long as Lukas could remember, it always had been the four of them, and even five since Emil's birth. But it was still a little child : him, he was older ! He was seven years-old ! Emil was the youngest, his dear four years-old lillebror, while Markkel, their half brother was the oldest with eight and a half years. Only half because their fathers were different, since Markkel's was dead, but Lukas thought this term was stupid since he fully considered Markkel as his brother. He wasn't even close to admit it, though. His father was Danish, their mother Norwegian, and Emil and him's father, Icelandic. But it was Markkel's too now, they could share their dad ! So why was Markkel so sad when he thought about his ? He didn't even knew him.

Also, Berwald was their Swedish cousin, a day younger than Markkel, and Tino, Tino was their neighbour's child. He had no blood bond with the others, but it didn't made him less important to any of them. He even was the most important person to Lukas, but he couldn't really put a word on it. It was his "special one", a secret only he and his big brother knew.

They were happy. Well, Lukas was often scolded by his older brother with the usual "You should smile more !", but he truly was happy. He just couldn't understand why people should have to force a smile : he smiled when he felt like it, that was that simple.

m

They were the Nordics, indivisible. Or at least they thought they were : as everyone find out, time goes by and things change. The seven years-old kid was Emil now. Lukas was ten and soon would be Tino as well, while Markkel and Berwald passed eleven last month. It was a twenty-sixth of July, in the Steilsson's living room.

Now, Lukas stared at Tino's father with blank eyes, unable to think. His words echoed in his head again and again.

« I had a great offering for a job in Russia. We'll leave before New Year's Eve.»

No.

No, it couldn't be.

They always had been together since they were two, Tino couldn't leave. And Russia ? Why Russia ? Tino's parents always hated Russia. Is money the only thing that matters in this world ? No. No, he couldn't believe it. Tino couldn't leave. He was Finland, right ? They were the Nordics ! The Nordics were five countries ! Tino couldn't leave. They needed him. He needed him.

Why his mother seemed so joyous ? She was hugging Tino's mom and dad, saying that she was "so glad for them". Was she happy to see her friends go ? Lukas wasn't at all. The other four neither. Even though Tino keep smiling, all he could read on his face was pain. His brothers and cousin were at theverge of tears. Did their parents cared about that ? No, they didn't. Since they were rich, they could offer them expensive stuff if it kept the kids away but they would never do anything for them. Both of their families never cared - well, Markkel's case was a little more complicated, but still. That's why the five of them always tried to protect each other as well as they could - oh, but Berwald was the lucky one : back home, his parents hugged him, did all they could to make him happy, everything to help him if he was in trouble. Just like real parents were supposed to.

Berwald had always been the lucky one.

The following days, he searched a way to let Tino stay here, in Norway. He tried, everyone did, but they knew they were powerless. And soon, Lukas had to face the evidence : Tino was about to leave soon, and there's nothing they could do about it.

«I'll write you ! I swear !»

Twenty-seventh of december, at the airport : The Finn was smiling, holding back tears once again, a suitcase tightly gripped into his hand.

«Write us ? Sending letters costs money, and you have none. Neither do we.»

Lukas' voice was colder than he wanted it to be. He knew that the Finn wouldn't come back, not even for hollidays. It was too complicated. Too expensive. And none of their families would allow it : no need to lost their time or money on this kind of futile stuff. They were only "friends" because of neighbourhood and good behavior, after all.

«Hey... hey Finny, you'll come back to us, ja ? Please, promise ya will.

\- It's a promise, then ! I won't forget you. You're my precious friends, right ?»

Good - now he was the only one who wasn't crying a river. His two brothers were hugging Tino with those big, fat tears rolling on their cheeks, and even the tough-looking, scary swede melt in tears. But him, he wasn't able to cry.

All he felt was emptiness.

All he did was watching the Finn go,five years ago.


	2. Chapter 1 - Morning Routine

Lukas woke up with a start : nothing good ever happened when he dreamed about the past. He cursed his damn dream and early awakening.

Grumbling, his right hand left the sweet and warm blanket to reach his phone. He took a look at the bright - too bright - screen :

23 October

5 : 32 AM

No messages.

Well, at least he slept more than 5 hours. Still better than yesterday. Groggy, he stayed here, staring at the screen a few more minutes, unable to act or think normally in the morning. God, waking up was really terrible. Can't they just sleep all day ?

He put his phone down and let it fall on the side of his bed ; then, mind completely blur, he let his eyes acclimate to the darkness, arm still hanging on the side of the bed. He stared at his room, from the large Norwegian flag to the old pictures, too far to be seen with precision. In the dark, they were just black rectangles with paler stains.

Slowly, he laboriously raised his hand to take a cross-shaped hairpin very dear to him, making some papers fall in process. His eyes stopped on a bunch of pictures, more recent this time, now scattered on the floor along with the letter they came with. Yeah, he seemed to be happy without them, and somehow, it made his heart ache. He felt terrible to think that way : he should be happy for his friend, but he wasn't even close to it for many reasons. He was envious of all this happiness, envious of these people smiling everyday as if life was beautiful... Envious of this pretty girl standing by his side, also. What should be so good about her ? She wasn't even smiling.

Within an half hour, he succeed to get out of his bed, stepping willingly on the few pictures before wandering in the dark his way to the kitchen. Coffee was the only thing he needed, after all. He took a mug, fill it with the hot, marvellous dark brown liquid and started to drink it, a second one already waiting under the coffee machine.

He was there, standing alone in complete darkness. No pertubating noise or light, only black, grey and his beloved coffee. It was so calm, so relaxing. So perfect.

Perfect until light went on upstairs and someone started running all around the house. God, did Markkel succeed to be so noisy on his own ? He guessed his older brother was just a phenomenon - of course, not in a good way.

As he thought that his peaceful time wasn't meant to last, a tall guy with blue eyes, blond spiky hair and a far too easily recognizable grin appeared through the door. True, peaceful time over.

« Oh, hi, Lukas ! Looks like we both woke up early.

\- We're always the first to wake up.

\- Yeah, but...

\- Stop. First cup. No talk. Just shut up and go before I throw you through the window.

\- Roger ! »

The Danish Norwegian rushed to the bathroom to fix his hair during a full hour - how having this stupid haircut worthed it, Lukas kept wondering - leaving the Icelandic Norwegian n.1 on his own. Of course, he left as noisily as humanly possible, it couldn't be otherwise : no one could say that the Dane was anything close to quiet, discreet or silent. In fact, he was rather a pain in the ass.

Now, third to enter the kitchen : an angry Swede awakened by the noise and ready to hit a Dane. An usual morning, so.

If they lived here, altogether, it was because of their parents, Berwald's and the brothers', who bought them a house for their studies. After all they were loaded, so spending some thousand dollars in a whole house for their kids wasn't a problem at all, rather an ideal way to get rid of them. Consequently, the four of them had to live together far from the campus, which was far from bothering Lukas and his undying love for crowded places. However, the house never quiet down either, but it wasn't really that displeasing.

Of course, it annoyed Lukas a lot, but it was kinda reassuring as well. In fact, the house was just pretty... lively. Yeah, that's it. Lively. So even if it was irritating, it also reminded him that he wasn't alone, and god knows that Lukas needed it, becausehe loved his family even if he rarely showed it - and by family, he meant his two brothers and perhaps his cousin as well, others being unimportant.

Sure, his big brother was irritating and unnecessary loud, but also the best friend he could wish for. He appeared to be the stupidest guy around, but when you needed it he could surprisingly act and think wisely. To Lukas, Markkel probably lived in an other world no one was able to understand. He was Lukas' fists favourite target, though he'd never willingly hurt him. There's a thousand ways you could hit someone without causing any injury or pain.

Next, the little one was adorable and would always be his dear baby brother. Well, now he was thirteen, but still. He was very grumpy and claimed to be the most mature of them even though he was still pretty childish. His reactions to teasing were wonderful.

Then, his cousin was a really quiet guy, as he always been. He hadn't changed since their childhood if you put aside his 1,80 meters and older features. Most of the time they get along pretty well ; however, he wasn't the closest to Lukas and they had their fights sometimes.

He could hear the Dane and the Swede scream from afar, but he wasn't worried in any way. From his point of view, it was more something like a way of greeting and expression between the two of them than one of those violent fight they had as kids, worrying sick the other three who reacted to various degrees.

Sure, his family was weird. But he loved his weird family. It's the only thing that matters, he didn't need to get closer to anyone but them : regular people were assholes, but his family was gold.

Putting his third coffee cup down, he took a new look on his phone :

23 October

6 : 30 AM

No messages.

Time to wake his little brother up - and if he wanted a sweet awakening, he should learn to do it himself. He climbed the stairs, opened the door wildly and screamed with his usual expression, completely neutral.

« Emil ! Time ! Wake up ! »

As only answer, the Icelandic Norwegian n.2 groaned, squeezinghis pillow tighter.

Okay. Change of plan. Slowly, Lukas approached his brother's bed and kneeled down.

« Emil... call me big brother. »

No response. His littler brother stopped moving and groaning. He knew it'll work, since for some reason Emil hated it. Apparently, he became too cool to call him "big brother" like he used to. It was painful, somehow.

« Why not ? Big brother ? Big bro ? Bruddah ?

\- Leave me.

\- Okay, I got it : ifyou want it so much, you can call me big sister.

\- What the hell is wrong with you ?

\- Oh, so you did wake up. This strategy is very efficient. That's decided : you'll be awaken this way every morning from now on.

\- There's really no need to.

\- Oh, but it seems that you can't wake up without the sweet sound of your brother's voice...

\- I'll buy an alarm clock.

\- Oh thanks, it'll be time. Waking you up every morning isn't exactly a piece of cake...

\- Yeah, yeah, right. I'll buy one. Let me sleep longer, please.

\- You need to be ready for school, Emil.

\- Just let me sleep. »

If that so...

Lukas grabbed his brother's blanket and threw it on the side of the bed.

« Wake up.

\- Hey ! You're not my mother ! Give it back !

\- Well, I thought I could throw it in the street and...

\- Fine, I'll come. Just get out of my room and put this blanket down. »

The younger boy hurried outside his room and turn back to his brother to add a few words.

« Also, you're an asshole. »

Acting like if he haven't heard anything, Lukas followed his brother downstairs for the four of them to take breakfast together - himself won't take anything more, a fourth mug of coffee wouldn't be such a great idea, but he'll stay with them anyway. It had become their morning routine to take breakfast all together before heading to school by foot.

Lukas didn't talked much : he prefered to listen.Theonly one talking was Markkel, to be honest, andhe was mostly blattering useless nonsense while the other three were praying for him to shut up. Generally, one if them was stopping him as soon asthey finished breakfast. Today, it was Emil.

« Isn't it time to go ? We'll be late. Leon and Chelles are gonna wait for me...

\- Oh, Kiddo's right, we have to go. Everyone, get ready !

\- Don't give us any order, please. We know we have to go. »

Sighing, Lukasput his coat on and took the door first, waiting for the others outside. Key in hand, he opened their mailbox to check the mail : water bill, advertising,Markkel's magazine... A letter.

« There's... »

Before he got the time to end his sentence, Tino's letter slipped from his hands.


	3. Chapter 2 - Build A Wall

_« Emil, Lu', Ber' ! We received a letter ! It's Tino ! »_

 _Three months after Tino was gone, his name brought immediately the three little kids to their self-proclaimed leader._

 _« I told ya I was right to check the mail everyday ! Tino keep his promises !_

 _\- But how did he get money ?_

 _\- He probably found a part-time job for minors like us or - Wait, you don't think that he fell into prostitution, do you ?_

 _\- N'body th'nks that... he's probably doing errands or mowing the lawn for his neighb'rs... L'ttle tasks like-_

 _\- Anyway, we should find how to answer him ! What can we do to get money ?_

 _\- I know, I know ! We should make cookies ! Storebror can cook while you and I make the delivery in the neighbourhood !_

 _\- You're only eight Emil, you won't deliver cookies to people we never talked to._

 _\- And so ? I'm not a baby ! Plus, it's better than leaving Markkel alone, no ?_

 _\- He can still take Berwald with him._

 _\- Not a good idea, Ber'll make clients run with his scary face !_

 _\- Stop t'lking l'ke if I wasn't h're and l'rn how to show resp'ct for others, w'ld ya ?_

 _\- Oh, I'm so sorry, did I hurt Mr Sensitive ?_

 _\- At least I have a heart, 'nlike certain p'ple here._

 _\- Aww, wanna fight, pussy ? Ya want to taste my fists a little more ?_

 _\- With pl'sure, b'stard. »_

 _Here we go again... some things never change. Quickly, Lukas lifted his little bother into his arms to get away before it escalates. It wasn't like they would notice their absence anyway..._

 _« Here, let's go._

 _\- Can't we stop them ?_

 _\- No Emil, we'd better not get involved._

 _\- But the letter..._

 _\- Yeah, the letter. Hey, what about that ? We wait for them to calm down and open it later, all together. Would it be okay ? »_

 _Silently, Emil nodded, and added :_

 _« Will it be over soon ?_

 _\- I have no clue, everything depends on them. And who knows - maybe one day they might even be able to get along !_

 _\- Please, make this day come quick !_

 _\- I can't do that, Emil. They'll only stop if they learn to grow up... they're so childish that even you, the youngest, is capable of more maturity than them. It's absurd. »_

« You know the tradition, Nor : Tino's letters are opened at lunchtime, when we're all together. We'll be late if we read it now.

\- First : please stop with those nicknames. They're old and stupid. Second : why couldn't I keep it ?

\- You'll read it ! And we have to read them together !

\- Talk for yourself, we know you're opening them before.

\- I don't ! And in the completely hypothetical case you're right, I'm the leader so that's my right.

\- Well, nobody agreed your leader status... but let just put that aside for now. »

He sighed before continuing :

« Unlike you I'm able to show patience... You can keep it but, please, don't open it this time. Now, let's go. »

At these words, Lukas turned his back and started to walk away, followed soon by the others. Their house was located a few blocks away from high school so they only had to walk a little every morning, avoiding the overpopulated bus or metro. Plus, it was a quiet road with little traffic.

« See you on the evening !»

Like every school morning, each of them went in a different corridor, except for Markkel and Berwald who had the chance to be in the same class, staying together most of the time. Lukas envied them, being always on his own and feeling somehow left aside since Emil had great friends too : Michelle, a sweet girl from Seychelles and Leon, an Asian boy he didn't liked much. Though Lukas didn't mind being alone, it would've still been nice to have a friend by his side more often, but he couldn't.

He stepped into the class, quietly reaching for his favourite spot - at the back of the class and right next to the window - like every morning. Since he wasn't really open to social interactions - to him, those were just a pain in the ass - people tended to avoid him and a lot of sits around him were al empty besides the one usually occupied by Laura, a belgian girl who came to study here with her two brothers.

It was normal to welcome new students like them throughout the year here, since it was the prestigious international high school named Hetalia Gakuen : no one really knew why the school name was in Japanese or what it meant exactly - Japanese students probably found it funnier to see people argue about the school name's meaning than giving the slightest hint of answer - but the rumor wanted the founder of the school to be Japanese, and the name to say something about how stupids Italians were... It had no chance to be true, right ? What kind of people who build a prestigious high school would call it with such a stupid name ? That's nonsense.

The footsteps' echo coming from the corridor cut him out of his thoughts and let a whisper escape from his lips « Please, don't tell me that's them », but the haughty and unbearable sound they made let Lukas no doubt. So these assholes were here again. Crap.

«Hey, look ! The weirdo's here before everyone else, as usual !»

Ignorance was the best way to deal with it, right ?

«Hey buddy, arent'cha happy to see me ?»

Keep quiet.

Don't react.

Build a wall.

«You can't say hello ? Have you lost your tongue ?

\- Ha, he probably never had one.»

Don't show how you feel, don't show how much you're bothered, and they'll just go. They always go. But then, others take their place...

«C'mon, can't you act more friendly ?»

At first, he tried to push off his bullies with sarcasm and mocking, his favourite weapons, but he noticed that they only attracted him more trouble. He just gave them a "reason" to bully him harder and harder. « This guy patronize us all », « He thinks he's better than all of us », « This man hates everyone »... It never calmed down. It never stopped.

But Lukas was neither of these - he had a truly kind heart and cared a lot about his loved ones. He wasn't emotionless neither, it was just a wall he built to keep him safe. A useless wall, he perfectly knew it, but it still managed to give him a fake feeling of safety, and that was the best he could afford right now.

«What, we aren't your type, fag ?»

In his class, some people knew what he was going through but everyone smart enough would understand that, if they tried to stop it, they'll become the brand new, fresh target. And probably suffer worse. That's also why he didn't want anyone to interfere. That was just psychological harassment, right ? None of his bullies ever hit him. Well, sometimes he got grabbed by the collar while an idiot was spitting in his face, and he already had been locked in a broom closet - he had to call his older brother to get out of it, pretending the closet closed behind him when he searched for something to clean up a broken glass - but it still could be worst, couldn't it ? Well, not sure. Sometimes he wish they hit him. Only because if they did, adults will find a use in helping him : after all, they never cared about it if no one get physically hurt.

«I don't think he's listening to you.»

When he was littler, he tried to ask a teacher he liked to help him. What had she done ? A single hour of detention, also known as the best way to make things worse. When he got back home, he said that he tripped from the stairs : that was the only time one of his bullies hit him. And he never asked anything to anyone again, since he couldn't possibly fall from the stairs everyday...

«Then I'll teach him to.»

Shit. These words does not augur well. Escaping in his thoughts wasn't such a good solution, after all...

«Hey, haven't you learned to look into people's eyes when they're talking to you ?»

Suddenly, the leader of the band grabbed Lukas' face into his hand to face his own.

« That's basic politeness. »

Don't, you're smarter than them. Keep the poker face, and they will leave you alone someday. They just want to see you react. To break you. So don't give them this pleasure.

Someday, they will go. Yeah, someday... The day he will die, hanged by a rope ? Or will it - by any luck - stop before ? He should tell. He should just tell. Not everyone would act like this stupid teacher ! But he couldn't, he didn't know how to do so. And he really didn't want pity, nor worry his family. Maybe he was just stupid. Well, he thought he was. But he still couldn't tell.

Sure, he could deal with it too, make them pay. He wasn't weak, he had his own, very special strength. But if he used it ? Then, people will fear him. He'll be seen as a monster, exposed in freakshows or caged because he'll be judged as dangerous. He wasn't "normal", and no one he knew was able to understand him or his gift, not even his brothers - Emil didn't want to hear about it and Markkel didn't knew anything, even if he was also his best friend.

So bullies were still here, playing with him, threatening his mental sanity, making him think about how good sounded death... but this escape was unimaginable, because he didn't want his loved ones to suffer. Killing yourself is nothing but selfish, because you're not the one who will pay for it.

The only way he could think about was to suffer from it so no one else would : with an admirable calm, he looked at that idiot spitting insults in his face.

Luckily for Lukas, new footsteps came towards their class, and bullies went away so they wouldn't get caught by anyone who could pose a threat. But damn, his jaw hurts...

The girl who came in was a blond-haired, green-eyed girl. A matching headband was holding her hair. Taking advantage of this moment of tranquility, Lukas took a new look at his phone :

23 octobre

7 : 55

No messages.

Great, the bell should ring anytime soon and since she took her sit in front of him, those cunts won't do anything more. For now.

Therefore, students came to their sit

and soon their philosophy teacher, Mrs Helena Karpusi, stepped into the class as well. She was a very kind lady, with brown hair tied into a loose bun and keen green eyes. As always, she wore a casual dress reminding her students of Ancient Greece, her favourite subject. According to Berwald, she had a son in their school - oddly enough compared to the impression people might have by seeing him, this guy loved to gossip when given a chance to.

A shadow waited on the other side of the door. New student, again, not hard to guess... Let's hope that he was a nice, quiet guy, not an overly loud one like the german albinos who had been, unfortunately, in his class for two years now - god, what did he do to deserve it ? Sometimes, he had a hard time to bear Markkel's behaviour, so let's not talk about this guy's. At least, his brother knew when to stop.

« So, good morning everyone ! Before starting today's lesson, we're going to welcome a new student into this class... »

Wow, what a surprise.

« ...Tino, can you introduce yourself, please ? »

Lukas couldn't believe his ears, nor his eyes. What a surprise indeed. Was he still sleeping ? His eyes were stuck, in shock, on that face he saw evolving through pictures, and his mind was overwhelmed by all kinds of thoughts.

« Hello ! My name's Tino Väinämöinen. I'm a Finn, but I lived in Russia for the past sixth years. Nice to meet you ! »

Wait, what ? No, he couldn't possibly had heard or seen right. Or was it a dream ? More probably. Other question : actual dream or nightmare ? He tried to pinch his arm, but it hurts. Well, this thing doesn't work anyway... Maybe he fell asleep while listening to Markkel's endless morning speech ? No. All of it seemed way too real.

Finland was truly here.

And he was truly staring at him like an idiot.

He noticed the Finn smile at him, but didn't smile back. Instead, he turned his deep purple eyes to the window, but all they met here was Tino's reflection, a disappointed look on his face. Perfect, that was the first time he saw a dear friend in years, and he hurt him. If only he knew before... Maybe he would've known what to do, how to act. And he was certain Markkel opened the letter and already knew it, it should have been written in it. That wasn't the first time letters arrived a little too late... like a Merry Christmas card in February. But the exact day Tino arrived ? How many chances did it have to happen ? The situation looked like one of these overly cliché stories he couldn't stand.

« Can I sit next to you, Lukas ? »

When he was about to answer positively, the Norwegian's gaze crossed one of his bullies' and read in it "if you accept, he'll pay for you".

« No... No, you can't. I prefer to stay alone. »


End file.
